A Very, Very Brief Look at Mainstream Economic “Thought”

1.) “Banks are intermediaries that bring savers and investors together through the lending of customer deposits.”

Translation: “The tooth fairy operates a used teeth market and brings together children who lose their teeth and people who need teeth.”

2.) “US Dollars come from the private sector and are taxed or borrowed by the US Government to fund its spending.”

Translation: “Gandalf the Grey casted a spell which causes US Dollars to magically appear out of nowhere in the private sector when GDP goes up, and the US Government either steals them or begs for them to do the evil work of Mordor.”

3.) “Monetary policy is all that we need.”

Translation: “Food is not essential to human survival.”

4.) “Deficit spending crowds out private investment.”

Translation: “Filling a car’s tank with gasoline crowds out the job of fuel injectors.”

5.) “By adding a financial sector to DSGE modeling, the Global Financial Crisis of 2008 is easily understood.”

Translation: “By adding an EMF detector to paranormal investigations, ghosts can easily be detected.”

6.) “Unemployment is merely a choice of leisure over work.”

Translation: “Old age is merely a choice of being elderly over being young.”

7.) “A 4.9% unemployment rate is very near full employment.”

Translation: “Moscow is very near Chicago.”

8.) “The key point to understand about fiscal stimulus is that more fiscal stimulus today implies less fiscal stimulus during the next recession.”

Translation: “The key point to understand about consuming food when you are hungry is that the more food you eat today implies less food that you can eat tomorrow when you are hungry.”

9.) “The US Government should always balance its budget.”

Translation: “People have too many memories and should endeavor to forget one old memory for every new memory acquired.”

10.) “Social Security will become insolvent in the near future.”

Translation: “Numbers will become finite in the near future.”